i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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