I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
