I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
