How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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