I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
