Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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