Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
