It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
