I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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