Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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