Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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