New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
