I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
