I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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