i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
