thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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