Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
