Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
