once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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