It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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