If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
