even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
