Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
