when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
