Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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