Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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