She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
