Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
