Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
