just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
