the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
