I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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