A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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