She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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