You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
