it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
