I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Come on in and take your pants off
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