I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
