Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
