I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
