from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
