Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
