Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
