Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
