My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
love makes seman taste better
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
