I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
