Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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