I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
