so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
