Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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