i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
