How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When did angry sex become our thing?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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