She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
